Life is a Bit Crazy.

I understand why women get postpartum depression so often.  I myself have never fully been depressed.  I have been sad at times throughout my life, but a little emotion just reminds us all that we are human.  Having a child even if it's your first, second, third, etc....changes the routine that you have come accustomed to.  A change in routine can be a major change in ones life.  I myself do not have feelings of sadness, but I do find my emotions leading more towards anger.  I am extremely impatient, and I spend much of my days alone in my house or outside on the playground. When I say "alone" I mean away from any other adults.  Max has this bad little habit of ignoring me when I ask him to do something/stop doing something, until I sometimes raise my voice to get his attention or threaten him with a consequence.  I'm realizing this weekend that it is something I need to work on and find a better tactic to get his attention.  He loves his little brother, which is great but I think Dex is constantly wondering why this kid is pestering him when he's trying to sleep.  I'm waiting for Max's love for Dexter to ware off so I don't have to constantly monitor the two of them all the time, at least for Dexter's safety.

 I look forward to when Jake comes home, but then am disappointed when I find out that he has to go do homework or wants to rest for a minute or go to the bathroom or do any other thing someone would want to do when they come home from work or school instead of just arriving at the door and asking, "I'm home!  Is there anything I can do to help you?".  Oh wouldn't that be nice.  I do this selfish little dialogue in my head imagining what I would say to someone to make them understand that I do everything around here and am extremely unappreciated.  Then I usually come to my senses and realize how foolish I'm being.

last month was our 4 year anniversary and I have felt that although Jake is still in school, our life is fairly smooth and we haven't had too many challenges in life.  I think heavenly Father was letting me off the hook until now.  I feel things have been extremely difficult and they won't get any better until probably Christmas time.  I say that because that's when the semester will end and my husband will be around much more.  But nothing is permanent and things can change if you make them.  But I look forward to all the possible events that will be coming up.

1. Jake may be promoted to the data base administrator position at work.  This would be great for bumping up his resume and it would include a raise as well, I'm hoping a substantial one because more money would always be nice.

2.  Max will be turning three the end of this year and then will enter primary.

3.  Jake will start filling out applications for Graduate school the end of this year.  The process will be quite annoying, but at least it means we are moving on with our lives!

4.  As the weeks continue to pass since Dex's birth my body will continue to turn back to normal and my health and stamina will continue to return.  My Bodybugg is helping me stay on track.  I've already lost 3 lbs...which isn't much.....but a huge feat for me.  

5.  Come November we have the chance to Vote and hopefully things will start to "Change"  again.